What I learned last night.
1. When talking on a cell phone, you are 43% more likely of getting hit by a car in Miami by a hooker. Another golden nugget of knowledge from Murphy’s Pub Wednesday Night trivia, or actually as manipulated by a table of tech geeks. We lost at trivia this time, but only during the final quick fire beer guzzling round. Although Ben can guzzle a beer faster than the buck-o-five Asian girl – contrary to popular belief he does not know the state inhabited by the mother of the child who died of 7-11 salmonella Ketchup potato chip poisoning. We have learned it is not Alabama. Ben looks harmless enough, but this guy has an evil side. Like, “First one’s on me, kid” kind of evil side. This evil side of Ben taught me to smoke a Nat Sherman clove cigarette like Humphrey Bogart/James Dean. The technique is to hold to smokeable filter end between your thumb and pointer fingers, with the smoking aflame end cupped, hidden from outside view in the palm of your hand. And if a brick or concrete wall is nearby you must lean up against it…with knee propped up, hat pulled down over eyes, leather jacket collar up. (I only had a 1970’s rabbit fur.) Very nonchalant. You totally know the look. Ben is more chic chic then he lets on. Maybe Ben was just trying to get me alone outside. We hid a clove in the window pane in case we are ever in need of re-enacting Humphy and sans cig.
2. When Casey buys a condo, you will eat taco.
So, Casey buys a condo. A purchase requiring a longer and more thoroughly thought out commitment then marriage or raising a child to adulthood. 30 years guaranteed! So Casey carefully plans her first get-together for Friday evening. Might I note that Casey is all about theme parties. More on the “Awkward Party” at a later time... Genius.
The theme of her first get together at this new condo? Any guesses? What do you think it could be? Chick Taco Night. Literally. All chicks. Eating tacos. Condos, chicks , and tacos. It’s Taco night at Casey’s new digs. Wonder if the Exotic Bakery sells pink taco shells…
3. There's something to be said for a man you can sit still with. The end says Mary
Friday, January 30
Tuesday, January 27
What I Learned Last Night Jan 26th, Mccormick and Schmick's, Seattle
What I Learned Last Night.
1. When an Italian man living in Seattle aggressively flirts with you at a coffee shop, follows you without you knowing to secondhand store, then has the nerve to ask for your phone number, believe it or not: GIVE IT TO HIM.
2. When an Italian man speaks to you (and your more broken than mending heart fyi to you) at Starbucks, obviously you scamper away avoiding his Italian advances. You proceed with your planned activities for the day: go to Goodwill, then Sister Kate practice... Trrraa Leee Laaa... thinking “thank god I avoided that presumptive Italian. How many women does this euro attempt to nail on a daily basis? He should have a better mind to go play some soccer instead of flirting with you at Starbucks. I mean Football...whatever."
3. When an Italian man flirts with you at Starbucks, you leave Starbucks, drive three miles to Goodwill, then Italian man appears at Goodwill, claims to be buying, but never actually purchasing drip sheets for the painting project he claims to be undertaking: be afraid for your life for a split moment. Yes he followed you to Goodwill….From Starbucks…Across town… Did he really end up at Goodwill to buy sheets? No, obviously not. You’re a bit perturbed, yes…Scared actually. You have a stalker.... Did he break into my car outside? Ack, he knows my car! But you note that Italian man is rather handsome in that very euro way.
4. When an Italian man flirts with you at Starbucks then ends up at Goodwill asking you to go out on a date, what do you do? You tell him you have a boyfriend and you can not, “but thank you for asking”... You have successfully thwarted his Italian advances. He recedes...You continue trying on your vintage 1970’s rabbit fur coat fitting (By the way: Goodwill’s policy is to not take real fur, so this is quite a find!)…. which he commented looked nice (sold. must be a Goodwill sales plant.) Ummmm, did you really just pass up the opportunity to go on a date with an Italian accent? How very UN-euro of him to give up so easily. Humph, i'm personally insulted. You consider….this Italian did just follow you across town to Goodwill. Yes you did give up the opportunity, but C‘est la Vie as the French say. Wonder what the Italian’s say? Anyway, out of sight out of mind and continue onto to black faux fur coat. Ewww this sheds….
5. Wow there’s the advancing Italian again; he is back… You are annoyed, and scared of potential stalker, wondering if he broke into your car in the parking lot, but are admittedly flattered....because you are obviously insane....He asks for your phone number, saying to meet him for coffee or a drink sometime even if you do have a boyfriend. You had lied – you consider, he’s Euro and you find it appealing he does not take NO for an answer. Like a good European man, and a girl does like to be pursued. You might have just ovulated. (my foreshadow: it must be the sugar on his cookies.) But you think “This is just stalking dude! Get rid of him, girlfriend!”, and decide the only way to get rid of him is to give him a phone number, a wrong phone number. But in the middle of the phone number giving, and against your better judgement, while he’s typing into his…. Blackberry? (why does Italian stalker, potential kidney thief, have a Blackberry?)…right when you are about to switch the numbers like you always do, you decide, what the hell, I’ll give him the real one. Because he’s handsome. Yes he’s a stalker, but I have nothing to lose… Except kidneys which are used to process all that coffee you drink... You give him your real number. He has trouble putting it into his phone... Too many fives. But he makes sure to get it correct and takes the time to get your name correct. Wow he’s very cute really. Probably too cute actually. He must have a thousand women he's nailing. But you are flattered he made the effort to stalk you to Goodwill, and not take NO for an answer. Atleast this makes a good story.
He leaves, not buying those sheets.
6. The lesson learned at this point - an IF/THEN statement if you will:
If an Italian man flirts with you at Starbucks then follows you to goodwill, asks you for a date, you tell him you have a boyfriend, he tries again, THEN you always give him your real phone number.
He calls two days later. You do not call back. But your girlfriend B thinks it’s cute he followed you to Goodwill. "Plus he’s Italian", B says. Two days after that you call him back.
7. When an Italian man living in Seattle flirts with you in Starbucks, you ignore him, he then follows you to Goodwill , and asks for your phone number, give it to him. Because:
- he owns an Italian cookie company. Yes cookies. Italian.
- he’ll order oysters, plate and serve them to you.
- he’ll order a glass of Prosecco to go with the oysters. You'll love that.
- he is nice easy company. Intelligent, talkative but not overly so, but overly talented, overly accomplished (probably more than you are comfortable with), tells a good story, and isn't funny at all which is endearing.
- you figure he has both a million dollars and a million women.
- he induces ovulation: a lovely biological reaction of pheromones [dopamine: C6H3(OH)2-CH2-CH2-NH2] and sugar (C12H22O11) from his cookies. This is good for your current state of being.
- he tells you all night you are beautiful (more dopamine)
Yeah so go ahead, give him your phone number.
8. It must be the sugar in his cookies.
9. Less is more. Stick with that. When Italian asks you over for dinner on Saturday, tell him you have plans with your girlfriend and you are not available.
Elegance is Refusal.
10. What I learned last night: When an Italian man flirts with you at coffee shop, follows you to a secondhand store, asks for your phone number. GIVE IT TO HIM.
1. When an Italian man living in Seattle aggressively flirts with you at a coffee shop, follows you without you knowing to secondhand store, then has the nerve to ask for your phone number, believe it or not: GIVE IT TO HIM.
2. When an Italian man speaks to you (and your more broken than mending heart fyi to you) at Starbucks, obviously you scamper away avoiding his Italian advances. You proceed with your planned activities for the day: go to Goodwill, then Sister Kate practice... Trrraa Leee Laaa... thinking “thank god I avoided that presumptive Italian. How many women does this euro attempt to nail on a daily basis? He should have a better mind to go play some soccer instead of flirting with you at Starbucks. I mean Football...whatever."
3. When an Italian man flirts with you at Starbucks, you leave Starbucks, drive three miles to Goodwill, then Italian man appears at Goodwill, claims to be buying, but never actually purchasing drip sheets for the painting project he claims to be undertaking: be afraid for your life for a split moment. Yes he followed you to Goodwill….From Starbucks…Across town… Did he really end up at Goodwill to buy sheets? No, obviously not. You’re a bit perturbed, yes…Scared actually. You have a stalker.... Did he break into my car outside? Ack, he knows my car! But you note that Italian man is rather handsome in that very euro way.
4. When an Italian man flirts with you at Starbucks then ends up at Goodwill asking you to go out on a date, what do you do? You tell him you have a boyfriend and you can not, “but thank you for asking”... You have successfully thwarted his Italian advances. He recedes...You continue trying on your vintage 1970’s rabbit fur coat fitting (By the way: Goodwill’s policy is to not take real fur, so this is quite a find!)…. which he commented looked nice (sold. must be a Goodwill sales plant.) Ummmm, did you really just pass up the opportunity to go on a date with an Italian accent? How very UN-euro of him to give up so easily. Humph, i'm personally insulted. You consider….this Italian did just follow you across town to Goodwill. Yes you did give up the opportunity, but C‘est la Vie as the French say. Wonder what the Italian’s say? Anyway, out of sight out of mind and continue onto to black faux fur coat. Ewww this sheds….
5. Wow there’s the advancing Italian again; he is back… You are annoyed, and scared of potential stalker, wondering if he broke into your car in the parking lot, but are admittedly flattered....because you are obviously insane....He asks for your phone number, saying to meet him for coffee or a drink sometime even if you do have a boyfriend. You had lied – you consider, he’s Euro and you find it appealing he does not take NO for an answer. Like a good European man, and a girl does like to be pursued. You might have just ovulated. (my foreshadow: it must be the sugar on his cookies.) But you think “This is just stalking dude! Get rid of him, girlfriend!”, and decide the only way to get rid of him is to give him a phone number, a wrong phone number. But in the middle of the phone number giving, and against your better judgement, while he’s typing into his…. Blackberry? (why does Italian stalker, potential kidney thief, have a Blackberry?)…right when you are about to switch the numbers like you always do, you decide, what the hell, I’ll give him the real one. Because he’s handsome. Yes he’s a stalker, but I have nothing to lose… Except kidneys which are used to process all that coffee you drink... You give him your real number. He has trouble putting it into his phone... Too many fives. But he makes sure to get it correct and takes the time to get your name correct. Wow he’s very cute really. Probably too cute actually. He must have a thousand women he's nailing. But you are flattered he made the effort to stalk you to Goodwill, and not take NO for an answer. Atleast this makes a good story.
He leaves, not buying those sheets.
6. The lesson learned at this point - an IF/THEN statement if you will:
If an Italian man flirts with you at Starbucks then follows you to goodwill, asks you for a date, you tell him you have a boyfriend, he tries again, THEN you always give him your real phone number.
He calls two days later. You do not call back. But your girlfriend B thinks it’s cute he followed you to Goodwill. "Plus he’s Italian", B says. Two days after that you call him back.
7. When an Italian man living in Seattle flirts with you in Starbucks, you ignore him, he then follows you to Goodwill , and asks for your phone number, give it to him. Because:
- he owns an Italian cookie company. Yes cookies. Italian.
- he’ll order oysters, plate and serve them to you.
- he’ll order a glass of Prosecco to go with the oysters. You'll love that.
- he is nice easy company. Intelligent, talkative but not overly so, but overly talented, overly accomplished (probably more than you are comfortable with), tells a good story, and isn't funny at all which is endearing.
- you figure he has both a million dollars and a million women.
- he induces ovulation: a lovely biological reaction of pheromones [dopamine: C6H3(OH)2-CH2-CH2-NH2] and sugar (C12H22O11) from his cookies. This is good for your current state of being.
- he tells you all night you are beautiful (more dopamine)
Yeah so go ahead, give him your phone number.
8. It must be the sugar in his cookies.
9. Less is more. Stick with that. When Italian asks you over for dinner on Saturday, tell him you have plans with your girlfriend and you are not available.
Elegance is Refusal.
10. What I learned last night: When an Italian man flirts with you at coffee shop, follows you to a secondhand store, asks for your phone number. GIVE IT TO HIM.
Saturday, January 24
What I Learned Last Night, Jan 23, Seattle
What I Learned Last Night.
1. My apt, although Persian lingerie pink, is certainly not as intoxicating as Scout's, apt 402, Scout throws a Go-Bama Inebriation Inauguration Party complete with sugar in both alcohol (C2H5OH) and cake form (C12H22O11 ).
2. Zig Zag Café is a Seattle Rite of Passage.
This Saturday a complied list of partiers, I mean Queen Anne Queen View apartment female dwellers, including Kelly, Mary and I are planning an outing to Zig Zag, Mary has just moved to town, from San Fran. Zig Zag is an obvious choice.. As it IS a Seattle institution there is NO DOUBT, and Mary must certainly get this checked-off of her list of "Rites of Passage in Seattle ". Murray, the barkeep’s, cocktails are infamous and Taa Die-Faaa….Certainly everyone has a zigzag story to tell…I’ll keep mine short - Mine being an Zig Zag evening of sparkling wine ending in the bachelor pad apt above Zig Zag, with a champagne carbonation CO2 contraption and thwarting and downright avoiding the advances of the tango dancer inventing this physics defying carbonation device (really it IS genius! I give him cred…) and inhabitant of the apartment. He is a lovely tango dancer though, and enjoying bubbly is a plus, but, me, I’m just another chick he’s brought up to this intoxicating apartment, situation. Errmmm.. no. I’m outta here.
But back to Mary and outing with Mary and Kelly. Only problem with ZigZag as an evening out with Queen Anne dwellers, is that unfortunately ZigZag requires driving, therefore no stumble back to apt… Kelly did suggest Sully’s (walk able), which I have not been but to. And there is Targy's as well, but that just makes Zig Zag that much more appealing!
3. Points of discussion for an evening out with those you do not know too well from your semi-shared living quarters include:
-Strategies on getting apartment manager to let us have rooftop access.
-Strategies on getting that #2 bus up the hill during the snow storm.
-Removing Top Pot Dough Nuts from the Queen Anne Hill because my rear end is growing down the back of my legs in such a way that I soon will not have to bend my knees to sit down.
-getting Targy's to carry a decent bottle of red. I mean really... And getting that frat guy with the Coors lite to not spill it on my leg when bartender is making last call. This making Zig Zag that much more appealing
-getting an apt wide- wireless Internet account
4. Yes Sarah maybe I can meet you up later tonight after this guy sends me home early. He apparently went for a bike ride today. This is wrong for me. Lemme share a quote, made famous by Sarah, and now infamous in my circle… "My favorite thing to do…Is NOT hiking.” Contrary to popular belief I like my men sans bike. I think I like them white and pudgy.
5. A good general rule: do not hang with a vegan when you proudly wear politically incorrect clothing items, in this case a rabbit fur coat, a recycled vintage 1970’s fashion. Lovely cropped coat with leather trim at the cuffs, snap button-up front, and leather trim defining the waist, with large collar and puffy sleeves. Really awesome. There is an argument to be made for this coat being politically and socially forgivable, as I did buy it secondhand at Goodwill, and it is late 1970’s vintage. It’s recycled; what more do you want? Taa Die Faaa!! Anyway regardless, if you’re into fur coats of any sort, even if recycled vintage from the 70’s and from Goodwill, you probably shouldn’t hang out with vegans. Who go for bike rides.
6. The only constant is change! Good bye my surrogate boyfriend Brenda. Wish you had a Y chromosome cuz we’d be perfect together.
7. Smashbox lip color "Starlite". It has changed my life.
1. My apt, although Persian lingerie pink, is certainly not as intoxicating as Scout's, apt 402, Scout throws a Go-Bama Inebriation Inauguration Party complete with sugar in both alcohol (C2H5OH) and cake form (C12H22O11 ).
2. Zig Zag Café is a Seattle Rite of Passage.
This Saturday a complied list of partiers, I mean Queen Anne Queen View apartment female dwellers, including Kelly, Mary and I are planning an outing to Zig Zag, Mary has just moved to town, from San Fran. Zig Zag is an obvious choice.. As it IS a Seattle institution there is NO DOUBT, and Mary must certainly get this checked-off of her list of "Rites of Passage in Seattle ". Murray, the barkeep’s, cocktails are infamous and Taa Die-Faaa….Certainly everyone has a zigzag story to tell…I’ll keep mine short - Mine being an Zig Zag evening of sparkling wine ending in the bachelor pad apt above Zig Zag, with a champagne carbonation CO2 contraption and thwarting and downright avoiding the advances of the tango dancer inventing this physics defying carbonation device (really it IS genius! I give him cred…) and inhabitant of the apartment. He is a lovely tango dancer though, and enjoying bubbly is a plus, but, me, I’m just another chick he’s brought up to this intoxicating apartment, situation. Errmmm.. no. I’m outta here.
But back to Mary and outing with Mary and Kelly. Only problem with ZigZag as an evening out with Queen Anne dwellers, is that unfortunately ZigZag requires driving, therefore no stumble back to apt… Kelly did suggest Sully’s (walk able), which I have not been but to. And there is Targy's as well, but that just makes Zig Zag that much more appealing!
3. Points of discussion for an evening out with those you do not know too well from your semi-shared living quarters include:
-Strategies on getting apartment manager to let us have rooftop access.
-Strategies on getting that #2 bus up the hill during the snow storm.
-Removing Top Pot Dough Nuts from the Queen Anne Hill because my rear end is growing down the back of my legs in such a way that I soon will not have to bend my knees to sit down.
-getting Targy's to carry a decent bottle of red. I mean really... And getting that frat guy with the Coors lite to not spill it on my leg when bartender is making last call. This making Zig Zag that much more appealing
-getting an apt wide- wireless Internet account
4. Yes Sarah maybe I can meet you up later tonight after this guy sends me home early. He apparently went for a bike ride today. This is wrong for me. Lemme share a quote, made famous by Sarah, and now infamous in my circle… "My favorite thing to do…Is NOT hiking.” Contrary to popular belief I like my men sans bike. I think I like them white and pudgy.
5. A good general rule: do not hang with a vegan when you proudly wear politically incorrect clothing items, in this case a rabbit fur coat, a recycled vintage 1970’s fashion. Lovely cropped coat with leather trim at the cuffs, snap button-up front, and leather trim defining the waist, with large collar and puffy sleeves. Really awesome. There is an argument to be made for this coat being politically and socially forgivable, as I did buy it secondhand at Goodwill, and it is late 1970’s vintage. It’s recycled; what more do you want? Taa Die Faaa!! Anyway regardless, if you’re into fur coats of any sort, even if recycled vintage from the 70’s and from Goodwill, you probably shouldn’t hang out with vegans. Who go for bike rides.
6. The only constant is change! Good bye my surrogate boyfriend Brenda. Wish you had a Y chromosome cuz we’d be perfect together.
7. Smashbox lip color "Starlite". It has changed my life.
Monday, January 19
What I Learned Last Night, Jan 16th Friday, Artemis Restaurant Seattle
WhatI Learned last night.
Garters are for Seducing Men.
1. Yes the first black American president is about to be sworn into office. But I’d like to take a moment to pay homage to something we all respect and appreciate. Obviously I speak of French lingerie. The beauty and construction of such are magnifique! You have to remember that for French women underwear is key. Let’s discuss a particular case of lovely French inspired undies, as worn by Sarah on Friday at Artemis restaurant in Seattle. No I will not be commenting on the food. Who cares about the food, when we have fancy women in fancy French style lingerie to discuss. Let's discuss Sarah, although I know I was doing very well in the lingerie department, and I have no doubts Becky had on a proper matching set as well. All fancy franchophile girls will. In this particular case Sarah was donning underwear that celebrated all that is Sarah's genetic legacy, the genetic code of shear Barbarella. Such underwear should not be worn under anything really. Under WHERE? Let me describe:
This was not your run-of-the-mill matching panty set, but an entire contraption; an architectural feat, if you will. A structured black lacey vintage-esque high-waisted panty complete with shaping metal boning, yes metal boning, hidden within the French seams (yes this is an actaul seam style) of the panty, with rouched elastic stocking hooks attached to matching thigh highs! Very fem-fetale. All hidden beneath this black wiggle style dress; you know the kind that won't allow you to breath in, and the kind of dress that makes man and lesbian alike salivate in anticipation of finding out what could be hidden underneath. Well Sarah did not disappoint. How did I see this? Well naturally she brought Becky and I to the girl’s restroom to show and tell, and as I said before this underwear should not be hidden. UnderWHere?! I mean really it had metal boning... in the panty!
I request some one establishes a fund to buy me this for my birthday. Who says I can’t get something out of this blog.
2. A dress makes no sense unless it makes men want to take it off you.
3. The trout and tri tip were very good.
Garters are for Seducing Men.
1. Yes the first black American president is about to be sworn into office. But I’d like to take a moment to pay homage to something we all respect and appreciate. Obviously I speak of French lingerie. The beauty and construction of such are magnifique! You have to remember that for French women underwear is key. Let’s discuss a particular case of lovely French inspired undies, as worn by Sarah on Friday at Artemis restaurant in Seattle. No I will not be commenting on the food. Who cares about the food, when we have fancy women in fancy French style lingerie to discuss. Let's discuss Sarah, although I know I was doing very well in the lingerie department, and I have no doubts Becky had on a proper matching set as well. All fancy franchophile girls will. In this particular case Sarah was donning underwear that celebrated all that is Sarah's genetic legacy, the genetic code of shear Barbarella. Such underwear should not be worn under anything really. Under WHERE? Let me describe:
This was not your run-of-the-mill matching panty set, but an entire contraption; an architectural feat, if you will. A structured black lacey vintage-esque high-waisted panty complete with shaping metal boning, yes metal boning, hidden within the French seams (yes this is an actaul seam style) of the panty, with rouched elastic stocking hooks attached to matching thigh highs! Very fem-fetale. All hidden beneath this black wiggle style dress; you know the kind that won't allow you to breath in, and the kind of dress that makes man and lesbian alike salivate in anticipation of finding out what could be hidden underneath. Well Sarah did not disappoint. How did I see this? Well naturally she brought Becky and I to the girl’s restroom to show and tell, and as I said before this underwear should not be hidden. UnderWHere?! I mean really it had metal boning... in the panty!
I request some one establishes a fund to buy me this for my birthday. Who says I can’t get something out of this blog.
2. A dress makes no sense unless it makes men want to take it off you.
3. The trout and tri tip were very good.
Thursday, January 15
What I learned Last Night, Jan 14 Wednesday, Murphy's Irish Pub
1) Sarah, knowing the lyrics to the Muffin Man by Frank Zappa, does indeed come in handy as trivial knowledge.
2) There are 12 countries in South America. Just like Ben said. While ingesting his third Boddingtons, an English beer. Ben is lookin a little thin these days. Ben also rolls with numerous women.
3) Fact: There are two types of people in this world: those that know who Ron Jeremy is and those who don't. Of course Murphy's Pub trivia night would require Ron Jeremy knowledge. Did Ron Jeremy really make an appearance in Reindeer Games? Really? Insert personal story about how you found out who Ron Jeremy is here. We all must have a personal story about finding out who Ron Jeremy is, yes? Mine tops yours I think. Ahhhh, the nostalgia.... (fade to story through cloudy squiggly lines...)
While in college working at Applebees (yes Applebees - the reason for me becoming a current Michael Pollan fan I am sure) Ron Jeremy rolls in with his posse. He and pose are seated at my table, in the bar section. At this time I had no idea who Ron Jeremy was, BUT literally EVERYONE in the restaurant did, except me. I knew something special was happening when the whispers and head turning and the pretending not to look or quietly listen kind of was thing going on, as well as when I attended to my non-Ron tables, they would ask me what he ordered and such. One of the other waiters had to explain it to me, who Ron Jeremy was, what he did to pay his bills, with colorful details of not only films but also a complete description of length and girth, with many superlatives and use of the English measurement system in feet and inches. Needless to say I was impressed, and knew I had to pull out my finest Applebees waitress skills, developed over three days of rigorous training, for my celebrity and nature-defying guest (1 foot and 2 inches of english measurement was it, no?).
Ron's posse, consists of Ron, one white guy, and two women - one very very large with a shirt cut low enough over the breasts to shyly expose her sweetly subtle Winnie the Poo tattoo, the other an ultra skinny cracked-out white chick. I only remember the following: the skinny crack chick orders french fries and a chocolate peanut butter milk shake. Applebees makes these the best. Ron Jeremy ordered the Bourbon Street Steak, medium, a classic Applebees dish served sizzling on one of those fajita platters. When I came to the table Ron put his hand on my shoulder and yes I noticed how large his fingers were, and he called me "Honey", which I thought was quit the compliment coming from Ron himself. I missed the rest of the conversation, but while delivering food to Ron's table, the white guy did say "Did you use a condom that time?" to Ron. Ron paid for the entire meal but tipped very poorly. I thought I was his honey? I later learned while seeing the movie PornStar featuring Ron Jeremy that he's a total cheap skate, won't even buy a set of luggage but rather uses garbage bags for business travel. So I now feel honored that he tipped me at all, reviving that deep feeling that truly I am Ron Jeremy's Honey.
4) A Sonoma Cabernet by the bottle is inevitably better than ANY wine by the glass. Especially at Murphy’s pub.
5) Ah yes, zee fastest flying bird izz the Peregrine falcon, not some owl or house sparrow or hummingbird. We too thought it was either an African or European Sparrow laden.
6) All menu items on the Murphy’s Pub Le Menu are classic pub fare. First, either put into pie form or breaded, then deep friend then subsequently drowned in pasteurized cheese product. All menu items except the Japanese edamame! An obvious snack option on the irish pub menu.
7) I always like guys who pull off the armchair Sherlock Holmes impression while drinking a proper catholic, not protestant, scotch.
8) In attempt to entertain ourselves during this trivia evening Sarah and I knocked back two, maybe three drinks, and decided that, come Friday we will don pink wigs in an attempt to throw our friend john furious for a loop?
9) I successfully avoided the Century Ballroom and any possible birthday dances involving X boyfriends, although this tears my soul.
10) Murphy's Irish pub is a Seattle institution for a reason
2) There are 12 countries in South America. Just like Ben said. While ingesting his third Boddingtons, an English beer. Ben is lookin a little thin these days. Ben also rolls with numerous women.
3) Fact: There are two types of people in this world: those that know who Ron Jeremy is and those who don't. Of course Murphy's Pub trivia night would require Ron Jeremy knowledge. Did Ron Jeremy really make an appearance in Reindeer Games? Really? Insert personal story about how you found out who Ron Jeremy is here. We all must have a personal story about finding out who Ron Jeremy is, yes? Mine tops yours I think. Ahhhh, the nostalgia.... (fade to story through cloudy squiggly lines...)
While in college working at Applebees (yes Applebees - the reason for me becoming a current Michael Pollan fan I am sure) Ron Jeremy rolls in with his posse. He and pose are seated at my table, in the bar section. At this time I had no idea who Ron Jeremy was, BUT literally EVERYONE in the restaurant did, except me. I knew something special was happening when the whispers and head turning and the pretending not to look or quietly listen kind of was thing going on, as well as when I attended to my non-Ron tables, they would ask me what he ordered and such. One of the other waiters had to explain it to me, who Ron Jeremy was, what he did to pay his bills, with colorful details of not only films but also a complete description of length and girth, with many superlatives and use of the English measurement system in feet and inches. Needless to say I was impressed, and knew I had to pull out my finest Applebees waitress skills, developed over three days of rigorous training, for my celebrity and nature-defying guest (1 foot and 2 inches of english measurement was it, no?).
Ron's posse, consists of Ron, one white guy, and two women - one very very large with a shirt cut low enough over the breasts to shyly expose her sweetly subtle Winnie the Poo tattoo, the other an ultra skinny cracked-out white chick. I only remember the following: the skinny crack chick orders french fries and a chocolate peanut butter milk shake. Applebees makes these the best. Ron Jeremy ordered the Bourbon Street Steak, medium, a classic Applebees dish served sizzling on one of those fajita platters. When I came to the table Ron put his hand on my shoulder and yes I noticed how large his fingers were, and he called me "Honey", which I thought was quit the compliment coming from Ron himself. I missed the rest of the conversation, but while delivering food to Ron's table, the white guy did say "Did you use a condom that time?" to Ron. Ron paid for the entire meal but tipped very poorly. I thought I was his honey? I later learned while seeing the movie PornStar featuring Ron Jeremy that he's a total cheap skate, won't even buy a set of luggage but rather uses garbage bags for business travel. So I now feel honored that he tipped me at all, reviving that deep feeling that truly I am Ron Jeremy's Honey.
4) A Sonoma Cabernet by the bottle is inevitably better than ANY wine by the glass. Especially at Murphy’s pub.
5) Ah yes, zee fastest flying bird izz the Peregrine falcon, not some owl or house sparrow or hummingbird. We too thought it was either an African or European Sparrow laden.
6) All menu items on the Murphy’s Pub Le Menu are classic pub fare. First, either put into pie form or breaded, then deep friend then subsequently drowned in pasteurized cheese product. All menu items except the Japanese edamame! An obvious snack option on the irish pub menu.
7) I always like guys who pull off the armchair Sherlock Holmes impression while drinking a proper catholic, not protestant, scotch.
8) In attempt to entertain ourselves during this trivia evening Sarah and I knocked back two, maybe three drinks, and decided that, come Friday we will don pink wigs in an attempt to throw our friend john furious for a loop?
9) I successfully avoided the Century Ballroom and any possible birthday dances involving X boyfriends, although this tears my soul.
10) Murphy's Irish pub is a Seattle institution for a reason
Monday, January 12
What I Learned Last Night, Dance Underground on 15th and Bagley Streets, Jan 11, Seattle
What I learned Last Night Jan 11
1. A lesson we all learn in life; a rite of passage if you will... When dancing on chairs. To "Big Spender". On slick floor. In high heels. During Sister Kate practice finale, be sure to NOT drink a Ripasso. In high heels. On slick floor. To "Big Spender". While dancing on chairs.
2. Casey and Robin and Madeline do jealously inducing Josephine Baker rendition. FYI to you.
3. A 1982 Bordeaux Margaux Chateau du Tertre, Peasant Leek soup, Ballard Market Brussels spouts, Theo local Seattle 72% Dark Chocolate, ancient game Go, and "who-will-be-called-Margaux" 's tango: while independently these are completely delectable, in that way you close your eyes savor the moment wishing for it to continue, the jury remains out on the "pairing". Margaux has passion but it might only be mental.
4. Brandied Eggnog is highly addictive. Do not write blog while drinking.
1. A lesson we all learn in life; a rite of passage if you will... When dancing on chairs. To "Big Spender". On slick floor. In high heels. During Sister Kate practice finale, be sure to NOT drink a Ripasso. In high heels. On slick floor. To "Big Spender". While dancing on chairs.
2. Casey and Robin and Madeline do jealously inducing Josephine Baker rendition. FYI to you.
3. A 1982 Bordeaux Margaux Chateau du Tertre, Peasant Leek soup, Ballard Market Brussels spouts, Theo local Seattle 72% Dark Chocolate, ancient game Go, and "who-will-be-called-Margaux" 's tango: while independently these are completely delectable, in that way you close your eyes savor the moment wishing for it to continue, the jury remains out on the "pairing". Margaux has passion but it might only be mental.
4. Brandied Eggnog is highly addictive. Do not write blog while drinking.
Sunday, January 11
What I learned Last Night, Jan 10, Misty's Birthday, Rendezvous Bar Seattle
1. Misty had the best 1920's deco style japanese robe on. My nervous system surges with jealously.
2. Cheryl is a crack up and can shower dance.
3. Paul can actually dance. Asians can always dance. They try to keep this basic Asian biological fact under wraps.
4. Madeline, despite popular belief does not know the words to Singin' in the Rain, but does pose with umbrellas
5. Casey is a criminal - walked many blocks in the freezing Seattle rain, on wet pavement, in priceless, one-of-a-kind 75 year old fabulous deco heels. no respect. but i admire the dedication.
6. Lorraine does not know how to smoke but can put forth a gallant effort when given a fancy gold tipped cigarette with pink wrapping. obviously.
7. Sarah will always be able to pull off the impromptu chair dance, especially when equipped with proper cabaret chair and sequin hat.
8. Baileys and vodka and amaretto is a pretty good drink. Even separated.
9. The Rendezvous is a seattle institution for a reason.
lolo high Fly
2. Cheryl is a crack up and can shower dance.
3. Paul can actually dance. Asians can always dance. They try to keep this basic Asian biological fact under wraps.
4. Madeline, despite popular belief does not know the words to Singin' in the Rain, but does pose with umbrellas
5. Casey is a criminal - walked many blocks in the freezing Seattle rain, on wet pavement, in priceless, one-of-a-kind 75 year old fabulous deco heels. no respect. but i admire the dedication.
6. Lorraine does not know how to smoke but can put forth a gallant effort when given a fancy gold tipped cigarette with pink wrapping. obviously.
7. Sarah will always be able to pull off the impromptu chair dance, especially when equipped with proper cabaret chair and sequin hat.
8. Baileys and vodka and amaretto is a pretty good drink. Even separated.
9. The Rendezvous is a seattle institution for a reason.
lolo high Fly
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