What I Learned Last Night Jan 26th, Mccormick and Schmick's, Seattle

What I Learned Last Night.
1. When an Italian man living in Seattle aggressively flirts with you at a coffee shop, follows you without you knowing to secondhand store, then has the nerve to ask for your phone number, believe it or not: GIVE IT TO HIM.

2. When an Italian man speaks to you (and your more broken than mending heart fyi to you) at Starbucks, obviously you scamper away avoiding his Italian advances. You proceed with your planned activities for the day: go to Goodwill, then Sister Kate practice... Trrraa Leee Laaa... thinking “thank god I avoided that presumptive Italian. How many women does this euro attempt to nail on a daily basis? He should have a better mind to go play some soccer instead of flirting with you at Starbucks. I mean Football...whatever."

3. When an Italian man flirts with you at Starbucks, you leave Starbucks, drive three miles to Goodwill, then Italian man appears at Goodwill, claims to be buying, but never actually purchasing drip sheets for the painting project he claims to be undertaking: be afraid for your life for a split moment. Yes he followed you to Goodwill….From Starbucks…Across town… Did he really end up at Goodwill to buy sheets? No, obviously not. You’re a bit perturbed, yes…Scared actually. You have a stalker.... Did he break into my car outside? Ack, he knows my car! But you note that Italian man is rather handsome in that very euro way.

4. When an Italian man flirts with you at Starbucks then ends up at Goodwill asking you to go out on a date, what do you do? You tell him you have a boyfriend and you can not, “but thank you for asking”... You have successfully thwarted his Italian advances. He recedes...You continue trying on your vintage 1970’s rabbit fur coat fitting (By the way: Goodwill’s policy is to not take real fur, so this is quite a find!)…. which he commented looked nice (sold. must be a Goodwill sales plant.) Ummmm, did you really just pass up the opportunity to go on a date with an Italian accent? How very UN-euro of him to give up so easily. Humph, i'm personally insulted. You consider….this Italian did just follow you across town to Goodwill. Yes you did give up the opportunity, but C‘est la Vie as the French say. Wonder what the Italian’s say? Anyway, out of sight out of mind and continue onto to black faux fur coat. Ewww this sheds….

5. Wow there’s the advancing Italian again; he is back… You are annoyed, and scared of potential stalker, wondering if he broke into your car in the parking lot, but are admittedly flattered....because you are obviously insane....He asks for your phone number, saying to meet him for coffee or a drink sometime even if you do have a boyfriend. You had lied – you consider, he’s Euro and you find it appealing he does not take NO for an answer. Like a good European man, and a girl does like to be pursued. You might have just ovulated. (my foreshadow: it must be the sugar on his cookies.) But you think “This is just stalking dude! Get rid of him, girlfriend!”, and decide the only way to get rid of him is to give him a phone number, a wrong phone number. But in the middle of the phone number giving, and against your better judgement, while he’s typing into his…. Blackberry? (why does Italian stalker, potential kidney thief, have a Blackberry?)…right when you are about to switch the numbers like you always do, you decide, what the hell, I’ll give him the real one. Because he’s handsome. Yes he’s a stalker, but I have nothing to lose… Except kidneys which are used to process all that coffee you drink... You give him your real number. He has trouble putting it into his phone... Too many fives. But he makes sure to get it correct and takes the time to get your name correct. Wow he’s very cute really. Probably too cute actually. He must have a thousand women he's nailing. But you are flattered he made the effort to stalk you to Goodwill, and not take NO for an answer. Atleast this makes a good story.

He leaves, not buying those sheets.

6. The lesson learned at this point - an IF/THEN statement if you will:
If an Italian man flirts with you at Starbucks then follows you to goodwill, asks you for a date, you tell him you have a boyfriend, he tries again, THEN you always give him your real phone number.

He calls two days later. You do not call back. But your girlfriend B thinks it’s cute he followed you to Goodwill. "Plus he’s Italian", B says. Two days after that you call him back.


7. When an Italian man living in Seattle flirts with you in Starbucks, you ignore him, he then follows you to Goodwill , and asks for your phone number, give it to him. Because:
- he owns an Italian cookie company. Yes cookies. Italian.
- he’ll order oysters, plate and serve them to you.
- he’ll order a glass of Prosecco to go with the oysters. You'll love that.
- he is nice easy company. Intelligent, talkative but not overly so, but overly talented, overly accomplished (probably more than you are comfortable with), tells a good story, and isn't funny at all which is endearing.
- you figure he has both a million dollars and a million women.
- he induces ovulation: a lovely biological reaction of pheromones [dopamine: C6H3(OH)2-CH2-CH2-NH2] and sugar (C12H22O11) from his cookies. This is good for your current state of being.
- he tells you all night you are beautiful (more dopamine)
Yeah so go ahead, give him your phone number.

8. It must be the sugar in his cookies.

9. Less is more. Stick with that. When Italian asks you over for dinner on Saturday, tell him you have plans with your girlfriend and you are not available.
Elegance is Refusal.

10. What I learned last night: When an Italian man flirts with you at coffee shop, follows you to a secondhand store, asks for your phone number. GIVE IT TO HIM.