What I learned Last Night, Jan 14 Wednesday, Murphy's Irish Pub

1) Sarah, knowing the lyrics to the Muffin Man by Frank Zappa, does indeed come in handy as trivial knowledge.

2) There are 12 countries in South America. Just like Ben said. While ingesting his third Boddingtons, an English beer. Ben is lookin a little thin these days. Ben also rolls with numerous women.

3) Fact: There are two types of people in this world: those that know who Ron Jeremy is and those who don't. Of course Murphy's Pub trivia night would require Ron Jeremy knowledge. Did Ron Jeremy really make an appearance in Reindeer Games? Really? Insert personal story about how you found out who Ron Jeremy is here. We all must have a personal story about finding out who Ron Jeremy is, yes? Mine tops yours I think. Ahhhh, the nostalgia.... (fade to story through cloudy squiggly lines...)

While in college working at Applebees (yes Applebees - the reason for me becoming a current Michael Pollan fan I am sure) Ron Jeremy rolls in with his posse. He and pose are seated at my table, in the bar section. At this time I had no idea who Ron Jeremy was, BUT literally EVERYONE in the restaurant did, except me. I knew something special was happening when the whispers and head turning and the pretending not to look or quietly listen kind of was thing going on, as well as when I attended to my non-Ron tables, they would ask me what he ordered and such. One of the other waiters had to explain it to me, who Ron Jeremy was, what he did to pay his bills, with colorful details of not only films but also a complete description of length and girth, with many superlatives and use of the English measurement system in feet and inches. Needless to say I was impressed, and knew I had to pull out my finest Applebees waitress skills, developed over three days of rigorous training, for my celebrity and nature-defying guest (1 foot and 2 inches of english measurement was it, no?).

Ron's posse, consists of Ron, one white guy, and two women - one very very large with a shirt cut low enough over the breasts to shyly expose her sweetly subtle Winnie the Poo tattoo, the other an ultra skinny cracked-out white chick. I only remember the following: the skinny crack chick orders french fries and a chocolate peanut butter milk shake. Applebees makes these the best. Ron Jeremy ordered the Bourbon Street Steak, medium, a classic Applebees dish served sizzling on one of those fajita platters. When I came to the table Ron put his hand on my shoulder and yes I noticed how large his fingers were, and he called me "Honey", which I thought was quit the compliment coming from Ron himself. I missed the rest of the conversation, but while delivering food to Ron's table, the white guy did say "Did you use a condom that time?" to Ron. Ron paid for the entire meal but tipped very poorly. I thought I was his honey? I later learned while seeing the movie PornStar featuring Ron Jeremy that he's a total cheap skate, won't even buy a set of luggage but rather uses garbage bags for business travel. So I now feel honored that he tipped me at all, reviving that deep feeling that truly I am Ron Jeremy's Honey.

4) A Sonoma Cabernet by the bottle is inevitably better than ANY wine by the glass. Especially at Murphy’s pub.

5) Ah yes, zee fastest flying bird izz the Peregrine falcon, not some owl or house sparrow or hummingbird. We too thought it was either an African or European Sparrow laden.

6) All menu items on the Murphy’s Pub Le Menu are classic pub fare. First, either put into pie form or breaded, then deep friend then subsequently drowned in pasteurized cheese product. All menu items except the Japanese edamame! An obvious snack option on the irish pub menu.

7) I always like guys who pull off the armchair Sherlock Holmes impression while drinking a proper catholic, not protestant, scotch.

8) In attempt to entertain ourselves during this trivia evening Sarah and I knocked back two, maybe three drinks, and decided that, come Friday we will don pink wigs in an attempt to throw our friend john furious for a loop?

9) I successfully avoided the Century Ballroom and any possible birthday dances involving X boyfriends, although this tears my soul.

10) Murphy's Irish pub is a Seattle institution for a reason