What I learned last night:
Generally speaking, when receiving text messages from male suitors, females like text messages to contain the following doses of sunshine:
1) females like to receive text messages that describe the text receiver as "gorgeous".
2) females also like to receive texts that read "can't wait to see you."
3) females also like to receive texts that read "if you brought me coffee in the morning I wouldn't know what to do with myself. What are you doing tonight then?"
4) females lso like texts that say "Happy birthday sweet Lorraine"…. well this female specifically….
Friday, February 27
Tuesday, February 24
What I learned Last Night, Monday Feb 23, various locations, Seattle
What I learned when dancing behind a sheet:
**Note: dancing Behind, NOT UNDER sheet.
1) Wow Alex, aren't you a lucky man? Three women, one bed sheet, one camera, and one swanky song: Harlem Nocturne. Wait...this sounds better than it actually is....
2) Yes I know most people know this already, but, when dancing behind a sheet being used as a makeshift silhouette-ing curtain, a strategic placement of the sheet and the light exists in highlighting an exaggerated, slim body.
3) Be sure to keep in mind it is always about the profile... Hats and nipples make lovely silhouettes. Who knew?! Apparently one may use ice to perk up one's nipples. When Mary, forever now known as Sexy Bird Women, surprises you with her expertise on this subject, choose not to ask how. But take her ability and know-how as inspiration.
Additional tidbits learned from Mary Sexy Bird Woman and Madeline:
4) Whether you're facing front or back, it doesn't matter, it looks the same. It’s the side view that's got all the goodies. AM I preaching to the choir here?
5) A standard format song will make life much easier when choreographing and assigning parts.
6) Being clothed and doing anything is way more sexy than being naked and acting like a bird. But Flappy thighs and pecking are a good thing behind a curtain.
On another note! Errrmmmm....
7) Postr Seaside Jazz Fest. Traditional Jazz is best done by old men three times Lorraine’s age. Thank you Seaside Jazz Fest and Titan Hot Seven. Madeline, Seaside Jass Fest thinks you are innocent but you soon will be dancing behind curtain without shirt.
8) To know the Smoking chef you must understand his love and knowledge of Soul music 1951- 1975. Kind of like you have to understand what a prostitute is in order to know what a geisha is. 9) Every man should line up a girl to serve them a scotch each evening of the week. I hate scotch. Tastes like dirty ashtray and licorice. But I volunteer to serve it... three times daily....and bring you coffee in the AM...
Tuesday, February 17
What I Learned Last Night. Feb 16
1) A personal thank you to the bovine family. I had left over steak for lunch two days ago. Dear Bovine family, I am sorry I ate one of your own, but you can find comfort in the fact that I enjoyed your meat very much. As a side note bovine family, I am also sorry that one of yours is laying on my floor painted to look like zebra. This is terrible.
2) Film Feast. Movies with great food scenes are fun to reenact. Films such as Willy Wonka and 9 1/2 weeks. This does not include OldBoy. Gross.
9 ½ weeks is a film that carries one of the most recognizable food love scenes in history; the involvement of sexual tension and lovely Kim Basinger being fed cherries….Even jell-o is sexy when spoon fed to a blindfolded girl.
The following is a well researched method for how to reenact 9 1/2weeks successfully.
To re-enact 9 ½ you will need the following:
- scarf or blindfold
- one hedonistic smoking chef in blindfold
- one girl to feed blindfoldee
Keep your 9 ½ Weeks reenactment foods sweet and simple. Foods liked salad or pasta dishes will not work. The sweeter, more singular the taste, the simpler, the better. Simpler. Sweeter. Better.
The following are recommendations, each lab tested and approved and exceeded expectations:
- cherries
- sweet cream ice cream
- maple syrup
- dark chocolate
- sweet white wine. An Oregon Gewürztraminer does very nicely.
This 9 ½ weeks re-enactment can also be a meal replacement. No dinner necessary.
Other movies involving food to re-enact…. How about Marlon Brando plus butter, plus a personal moment with young girl in the film Last Tango in Paris?
Just kidding!!
3) My face hurts today. My lips are dry and chapped, sore and puffy. I’m thirsty. My checks are chaffed. The underside of my nose is red and beginning to peel. But when you reenact 9 ½ weeks what do you expect?
2) Film Feast. Movies with great food scenes are fun to reenact. Films such as Willy Wonka and 9 1/2 weeks. This does not include OldBoy. Gross.
9 ½ weeks is a film that carries one of the most recognizable food love scenes in history; the involvement of sexual tension and lovely Kim Basinger being fed cherries….Even jell-o is sexy when spoon fed to a blindfolded girl.
The following is a well researched method for how to reenact 9 1/2weeks successfully.
To re-enact 9 ½ you will need the following:
- scarf or blindfold
- one hedonistic smoking chef in blindfold
- one girl to feed blindfoldee
Keep your 9 ½ Weeks reenactment foods sweet and simple. Foods liked salad or pasta dishes will not work. The sweeter, more singular the taste, the simpler, the better. Simpler. Sweeter. Better.
The following are recommendations, each lab tested and approved and exceeded expectations:
- cherries
- sweet cream ice cream
- maple syrup
- dark chocolate
- sweet white wine. An Oregon Gewürztraminer does very nicely.
This 9 ½ weeks re-enactment can also be a meal replacement. No dinner necessary.
Other movies involving food to re-enact…. How about Marlon Brando plus butter, plus a personal moment with young girl in the film Last Tango in Paris?
Just kidding!!
3) My face hurts today. My lips are dry and chapped, sore and puffy. I’m thirsty. My checks are chaffed. The underside of my nose is red and beginning to peel. But when you reenact 9 ½ weeks what do you expect?
Friday, February 13
What I Learned Last night Feb 12
1) The best technique for learning to cook a steak is to never learn to cook a steak, a strategic means to get personal chef to come cook it again for you. Stratergerie.
2) Unavailability....the world's most attractive cologne.
3) Italian cookies are delicious, but you just couldn’t eat another.
4) Focus instead on teaching Lindy hop class because teaching beginners makes you happy as does Balboa practice with Yoshi. Try not to think about the fact that you are so not over your last relationship.
2) Unavailability....the world's most attractive cologne.
3) Italian cookies are delicious, but you just couldn’t eat another.
4) Focus instead on teaching Lindy hop class because teaching beginners makes you happy as does Balboa practice with Yoshi. Try not to think about the fact that you are so not over your last relationship.
What I Learned Last Night Feb 11
Consuming your first steak made by personal Chef aka Smoking Chef
or How to lose you Vegetarianity.
or Strategies on eating Meat with many returns.
Dear Gentle reader,
Over the past few years I have been emerging out of the self righteous gloom of a holier-then-thou vegetarian state. A righteous cause yes that I still believe in but Cest la Vie…
My holier-than-thou vegetarianism all started when I was about 16, and was mostly induced by listening to the Smiths and dating a guy who was also holier-than-thou vegetarian and smith’s fan. Bad combo for this girl and any meat eater. I also have to pay homage to my roots as the vegetar-ianty (a Sarah coined term, thanks girlfriend) was also induced by the rebel in moi growing up in the suburbia of Sacramento, California - fast-food laden, homogenization, one long string of mini-malls with a Gap clothing store at one end of Sacramento and a TGIFs at the other end (and Applebee’s of course). Growing up in this complete lack-age of diversity and culture while listening to those Smiths (sing it with me….you know the words… “Sizzling blood as you savor the flavor of murder…”), and dating the vegetarian, and an upbringing by a Texan father – this combination will turn anyone into a vegetarian. Come on, now!
So I have been coming out of my veggie-shell….or cell…but still remain naive as to the ways of properly cooked meats. Fortunately for moi and you, gentle reader, my emerging from vegetarianism state of being and the fact that I have NEVER cooked my own steak lays the grounds for a good “meat and male” story to tell. After an acupuncturist prescription of “eat red meat” and a certain Smoking Chef’s offer of a personally-made-at-my-home combining of fire and steak, the following is What I Learned Last Night:
When consuming your first personally made steak, be sure to plan for….
1) When consuming your first personally made steak, be sure to plan for also consuming two bottles of red wine. One Washington Janik Cabernet (nice!) and one south African Graham Shiraz, gaining an understanding of Cabernet, not Shiraz, not syrah, not Zinfandel, pairs well with steak….
well. I exaggerate… you need to plan for consuming nearly two bottles of red. Some will be used in wine reduction sauce over steak; some Smoking Chef will spill on floor narrowly missing your prized possession cow hid rug….painted to look like zebra…Poor cow….killed, skinned, and then painted to look like a zebra... The bovine disrespect in my apartment at this point is astounding…. but the spill I didn’t mind, as seen in point 9 below.
2) When consuming your first personally made steak, be sure to plan for:
A mid-meal digestif walk to Kerry Park to view downtown Seattle and the Space Needle….While modeling for Smoking Chef’s camera ….while drinking red wine…. while smoking cigarette like Humphrey Bogart/James dean…..You did learn something from Smoking Chef after all…
3) When consuming your first personally made steak, be sure to plan for:
Staying up until 4 am
4) When consuming your first personally made steak, be sure to plan for:
discovering your blue velvet chaise lounge built for one can seat two “comfortably” went two are determined.
I also learned that:
5) A scrabble game where your opponent throws down all his tiles with the word “PUTTING” across the double word score as his first move is not a scrabble game where hope exists for you. My advice in this situation: move game to velvet blue chaise…built for one…
Cognac is a type of brandy which comes from the Cognac region of France. A distinctive, sophisticated spirit made from grapes… A very dry, caramel colored wine which is double distilled and aged in oak barrels. A lovely nose of butterscotch caramel and vipermoan, but the taste is not for the faint of heart. And not for moi for that matter. The Cognac label V.S.O.P. stands for “very superior old pale.”
When serving cognac, post satisfying losing-your-vegetarianity-steak, there are several things to consider in order to enhance the Cognac tasting experience:
~1) Serve cognac in heated snifter. Fill each glass only one-quarter full with cognac. Since cognac has a much higher alcohol content than wine, avoid heavy pours ….as you’ve already shared two bottles of red with your Smoking Chef…. Otherwise you may end up staying up with Smoking Chef until 4:00 in the morning, on velvet blue chaise built for one.
~2) Serve cognac with dessert. While cognac can be enjoyed on its own or with a meal, it compliments sweets, particularly chocolate well. You’ll discover that the your Julia child poached pears with cognac-infused melted chocolate indeed pairs best with How to Cook a Steak Chef…and cognac. Serving cognac with dessert helps to draw out the nuttier flavors in the cognac and draw out the length of stay of How to cook a steak chef...
~3) Cup your hand around the base of the glass rather than holding the stem. The heat from your hand will warm the cognac slightly, thereby enhancing its bouquet and flavor. If your blue chaise lounge built for one companion’s hands are not available to cup the glass, you may find that those hands are instead cupping your thighs.
~4) While nobody disputes the appeal of hand-warmed brandies sniffed and tasted from large glasses, Cognac is best enjoyed as an after taste while kissing in your entry way. Your first kiss with smoking chef...You will also detect nuances of poached pear, chocolate, tobacco, and rare meat.
the end.
or How to lose you Vegetarianity.
or Strategies on eating Meat with many returns.
Dear Gentle reader,
Over the past few years I have been emerging out of the self righteous gloom of a holier-then-thou vegetarian state. A righteous cause yes that I still believe in but Cest la Vie…
My holier-than-thou vegetarianism all started when I was about 16, and was mostly induced by listening to the Smiths and dating a guy who was also holier-than-thou vegetarian and smith’s fan. Bad combo for this girl and any meat eater. I also have to pay homage to my roots as the vegetar-ianty (a Sarah coined term, thanks girlfriend) was also induced by the rebel in moi growing up in the suburbia of Sacramento, California - fast-food laden, homogenization, one long string of mini-malls with a Gap clothing store at one end of Sacramento and a TGIFs at the other end (and Applebee’s of course). Growing up in this complete lack-age of diversity and culture while listening to those Smiths (sing it with me….you know the words… “Sizzling blood as you savor the flavor of murder…”), and dating the vegetarian, and an upbringing by a Texan father – this combination will turn anyone into a vegetarian. Come on, now!
So I have been coming out of my veggie-shell….or cell…but still remain naive as to the ways of properly cooked meats. Fortunately for moi and you, gentle reader, my emerging from vegetarianism state of being and the fact that I have NEVER cooked my own steak lays the grounds for a good “meat and male” story to tell. After an acupuncturist prescription of “eat red meat” and a certain Smoking Chef’s offer of a personally-made-at-my-home combining of fire and steak, the following is What I Learned Last Night:
When consuming your first personally made steak, be sure to plan for….
1) When consuming your first personally made steak, be sure to plan for also consuming two bottles of red wine. One Washington Janik Cabernet (nice!) and one south African Graham Shiraz, gaining an understanding of Cabernet, not Shiraz, not syrah, not Zinfandel, pairs well with steak….
well. I exaggerate… you need to plan for consuming nearly two bottles of red. Some will be used in wine reduction sauce over steak; some Smoking Chef will spill on floor narrowly missing your prized possession cow hid rug….painted to look like zebra…Poor cow….killed, skinned, and then painted to look like a zebra... The bovine disrespect in my apartment at this point is astounding…. but the spill I didn’t mind, as seen in point 9 below.
2) When consuming your first personally made steak, be sure to plan for:
A mid-meal digestif walk to Kerry Park to view downtown Seattle and the Space Needle….While modeling for Smoking Chef’s camera ….while drinking red wine…. while smoking cigarette like Humphrey Bogart/James dean…..You did learn something from Smoking Chef after all…
3) When consuming your first personally made steak, be sure to plan for:
Staying up until 4 am
4) When consuming your first personally made steak, be sure to plan for:
discovering your blue velvet chaise lounge built for one can seat two “comfortably” went two are determined.
I also learned that:
5) A scrabble game where your opponent throws down all his tiles with the word “PUTTING” across the double word score as his first move is not a scrabble game where hope exists for you. My advice in this situation: move game to velvet blue chaise…built for one…
Cognac is a type of brandy which comes from the Cognac region of France. A distinctive, sophisticated spirit made from grapes… A very dry, caramel colored wine which is double distilled and aged in oak barrels. A lovely nose of butterscotch caramel and vipermoan, but the taste is not for the faint of heart. And not for moi for that matter. The Cognac label V.S.O.P. stands for “very superior old pale.”
When serving cognac, post satisfying losing-your-vegetarianity-steak, there are several things to consider in order to enhance the Cognac tasting experience:
~1) Serve cognac in heated snifter. Fill each glass only one-quarter full with cognac. Since cognac has a much higher alcohol content than wine, avoid heavy pours ….as you’ve already shared two bottles of red with your Smoking Chef…. Otherwise you may end up staying up with Smoking Chef until 4:00 in the morning, on velvet blue chaise built for one.
~2) Serve cognac with dessert. While cognac can be enjoyed on its own or with a meal, it compliments sweets, particularly chocolate well. You’ll discover that the your Julia child poached pears with cognac-infused melted chocolate indeed pairs best with How to Cook a Steak Chef…and cognac. Serving cognac with dessert helps to draw out the nuttier flavors in the cognac and draw out the length of stay of How to cook a steak chef...
~3) Cup your hand around the base of the glass rather than holding the stem. The heat from your hand will warm the cognac slightly, thereby enhancing its bouquet and flavor. If your blue chaise lounge built for one companion’s hands are not available to cup the glass, you may find that those hands are instead cupping your thighs.
~4) While nobody disputes the appeal of hand-warmed brandies sniffed and tasted from large glasses, Cognac is best enjoyed as an after taste while kissing in your entry way. Your first kiss with smoking chef...You will also detect nuances of poached pear, chocolate, tobacco, and rare meat.
the end.
Sunday, February 8
What I learned last night. Feb 7th
What I learned last night.
Ballard
1) One of the best fashion looks now days is the nonchalant look - the "whatever” thrown together look. But this thrown together look can required quite a bit of work, trial and error. Since I’m such a fashionista I know you tried really hard and spent an hour layering that outfit. I know because I do this myself – the time pulling everything out of my closet, trying it on, talking it off, this with that, layering it over something else, taking it off, throwing it on the bed or floor, all in the attempt at nonchalant look. Like I just "throw that on"… I’m one myself.
2) As with religion and girl dance groups that take off their clothes, you do not need to be too heavily involved in fashion, or Carrie Bradshaw, for it to totally screw with your head.....and you end up wearing layers of lacy lingerie over cargo shorts and pink and yellow flowered Betsey Johnson high heels. This believe it or not is a good look. The juxtaposition of the manly cargo shorts with the ultimate in femininity: lace, and of course not just one lacy top but like 3 different slip components. A highly fashion forward look! ...even if your friends don’t embrace it.
3) A good feminine tip: I learned at a young age and while in gymnastics that two layers of underwear is the best way to keep underwear from riding up your arse. The single pair in one layer that allow serious ride-age all the way up crack. This is general info and info that comes in handy when you dance on a girl dance group and prance around in front of girl group members and Italian stalkering cookie makers.
4) Be forgiving of the DJ wearing the long util-kilt. He just might be a seamstress and tailor and someone you identify with. Oh and the handle bar mustache. Bonus.
5) Be weary of the DJ with ulti-kilt and handle bar mustache who asks you to come listen to his set on a Sunday at midnight.
Ballard
1) One of the best fashion looks now days is the nonchalant look - the "whatever” thrown together look. But this thrown together look can required quite a bit of work, trial and error. Since I’m such a fashionista I know you tried really hard and spent an hour layering that outfit. I know because I do this myself – the time pulling everything out of my closet, trying it on, talking it off, this with that, layering it over something else, taking it off, throwing it on the bed or floor, all in the attempt at nonchalant look. Like I just "throw that on"… I’m one myself.
2) As with religion and girl dance groups that take off their clothes, you do not need to be too heavily involved in fashion, or Carrie Bradshaw, for it to totally screw with your head.....and you end up wearing layers of lacy lingerie over cargo shorts and pink and yellow flowered Betsey Johnson high heels. This believe it or not is a good look. The juxtaposition of the manly cargo shorts with the ultimate in femininity: lace, and of course not just one lacy top but like 3 different slip components. A highly fashion forward look! ...even if your friends don’t embrace it.
3) A good feminine tip: I learned at a young age and while in gymnastics that two layers of underwear is the best way to keep underwear from riding up your arse. The single pair in one layer that allow serious ride-age all the way up crack. This is general info and info that comes in handy when you dance on a girl dance group and prance around in front of girl group members and Italian stalkering cookie makers.
4) Be forgiving of the DJ wearing the long util-kilt. He just might be a seamstress and tailor and someone you identify with. Oh and the handle bar mustache. Bonus.
5) Be weary of the DJ with ulti-kilt and handle bar mustache who asks you to come listen to his set on a Sunday at midnight.
Thursday, February 5
What I learned last night:
1) How To Cook a Steak
OR:
How to loose your “vegetar-ianty” in 4 days and 4 easy steps
Step 1: Acupuncturist tells in you in Chinese accent to start eating red meat. "You bruise easy.... Have Din blood. You need to brreeed." ....well that's obvious, especially considering your current state. Wait did she say bleed or brrreed? Either way. both apply...
Step 2: Learn to cook your first steak:
Get offer from chef to teach you how to cook steak.
Dear Gentle reader, this chef happens to be the same person who taught you how to smoke a cigarette like Humphrey Bogart/James Dean. What exactly are you learning from Smoking Chef? very bad. Red meat and cigarettes...
Smoking Chef's First Steak Recipe (or "how to lose your vegetar-ianty"):
The “All on HI 2 2 10” method
Thick steak, must be enough for two people.
Salt, pepper, olive oil. Rub.
Turn oven on high
Turn burner on high
Heat pan.
Sear Steak: 2 minutes one side, 2 minutes the other side.
10 minutes in the oven
Rest.
Optional red wine reduction to pour over top.
Many variables to consider. Time depends on pan, etc. Cook for your first time at your own detriment. Smoking chef recommends smoking chef accompanies you for first steak attempt.
Step 3: Wait for visiting parents to leave town in four days.
Step 4: Insert one smoking chef in 4 days after visiting parents leave. After all, steak was enough for two.
Steps 1 through 4 satisfy the following: Giving away vegetar-ianty, learning how to cook your first steak, appeasing the pokes of acupuncturist, and prods of Paige.
2) My ovaries are adverse to:
guys who are better looking than me
guys who have higher maintenance hair than my own (actually this is situational...might have to revise this statement, but this does apply to Italian stalkers-cookie makers)
guys who ride bikes for exercises purposes
Elegance is refusal.... Even when you have the cute under where (?!) on.
3) Consider this: Friday the 13th Art walk with a pornographer. This has to be a once in a life time opportunity. But no no. Balboa festival in better option.
4) When you find that things that once brought you joy now bring you sadness - a celebratory solution exists! Head straight to the yearly Seaside Jazz Festival with fellow lindy hoppers who love you. The Titan Hot Seven are therapeutic, as is Pig 'n Pancake breakfast. Celebrate. The end.
1) How To Cook a Steak
OR:
How to loose your “vegetar-ianty” in 4 days and 4 easy steps
Step 1: Acupuncturist tells in you in Chinese accent to start eating red meat. "You bruise easy.... Have Din blood. You need to brreeed." ....well that's obvious, especially considering your current state. Wait did she say bleed or brrreed? Either way. both apply...
Step 2: Learn to cook your first steak:
Get offer from chef to teach you how to cook steak.
Dear Gentle reader, this chef happens to be the same person who taught you how to smoke a cigarette like Humphrey Bogart/James Dean. What exactly are you learning from Smoking Chef? very bad. Red meat and cigarettes...
Smoking Chef's First Steak Recipe (or "how to lose your vegetar-ianty"):
The “All on HI 2 2 10” method
Thick steak, must be enough for two people.
Salt, pepper, olive oil. Rub.
Turn oven on high
Turn burner on high
Heat pan.
Sear Steak: 2 minutes one side, 2 minutes the other side.
10 minutes in the oven
Rest.
Optional red wine reduction to pour over top.
Many variables to consider. Time depends on pan, etc. Cook for your first time at your own detriment. Smoking chef recommends smoking chef accompanies you for first steak attempt.
Step 3: Wait for visiting parents to leave town in four days.
Step 4: Insert one smoking chef in 4 days after visiting parents leave. After all, steak was enough for two.
Steps 1 through 4 satisfy the following: Giving away vegetar-ianty, learning how to cook your first steak, appeasing the pokes of acupuncturist, and prods of Paige.
2) My ovaries are adverse to:
guys who are better looking than me
guys who have higher maintenance hair than my own (actually this is situational...might have to revise this statement, but this does apply to Italian stalkers-cookie makers)
guys who ride bikes for exercises purposes
Elegance is refusal.... Even when you have the cute under where (?!) on.
3) Consider this: Friday the 13th Art walk with a pornographer. This has to be a once in a life time opportunity. But no no. Balboa festival in better option.
4) When you find that things that once brought you joy now bring you sadness - a celebratory solution exists! Head straight to the yearly Seaside Jazz Festival with fellow lindy hoppers who love you. The Titan Hot Seven are therapeutic, as is Pig 'n Pancake breakfast. Celebrate. The end.
Tuesday, February 3
What I learned Last Night. Friday Jan 31. West Seattle. Casey's condo. Female Panel.
What I learned last night:
1. This article is titled any of the following. You choose.
Female Friend's advice on getting over the old relationship.
Or The Rebound.
Or How to Handle an Italian Cookie Maker: Thwarting impending Italian Advances.
Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
When you make that transition from a serious relationship back into the real world (no small feat), there is something in particular you must do to complete this transition. Some would advise you a therapeutic rebound. And when you have at your disposal:
A: an evening in a room full of fertile foolery female friends salivating to share their experiences, love and life lessons learned, as well as one-liners, these opinions will be shared,
B: a lovely male Italian cookie maker-stalker -pastry chef-caricature of himself and all Italian stereotypes. This guy is that stereotypically Italian kind of handsome, with thicker, more high-maintenance hair then you have, fully equipped with a Vespa in his drive way, the Sopranos on DVD, a thick rolling R present in all his vocab, Corinthian style columns installed in his home in an Italian version of my Big Fat Greek Wedding kind of way, makes you the very very best risotto you have ever, ever had. And then hand feeds you...I'm telling you...Hand... friggin'... feeds you his dessert specially.... Any guesses what that could be?! Tiramisu. Naturally.... Plus brings Italian cookies made especially for you, and tells you to share them with your girlfriends... Then tells you all night how beautiful you are. In Italian. Stereotype. Caricature. Check.
When you have A and B at your disposal, the following is what you will learn that evening... The advice and personal opinions shared by this panel of females. You will find here some apropos advice, but more so you will find a little accolade of each friend’s personality. Of which each I just adore. So, Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one....
We’ll start with Robin: “If you are going to have a transitional guy, rebound style, always, always, do a hot Italian…with an accent…and money…This is how it is done.”
Casey, whom herself has dealt with the Italian job, follows closely in line with Robin “Do this for the story to tell later in life”. This Lorraine is in wholehearted agreement with. Or atleast after a bunch of tacos and red wine. A lovely combo I might add. Black Beans, sauteed onions peppers, mushrooms, Mexican spices, spinach, shredded cheddar, crunchy taco shell, homemade guacamole. Too many glasses of Australian Shiraz. Lovely…
Casey adds, “Oh and my new philosophy I learned from a kitshish magnet I saw in a airport. All good life advice can be found on magnets…. It read, “What the Hell?” ...As simple as that... “What the Hell.”… I apply this basic philosophy to all my male encounters in life now….I’m much happier…. Oh and I must not leave out this infamous words of wisdom Lorraine once gave me personally… 'What do you have to lose?' That was f-in sound advice…” Can’t say Casey ain’t honest.
Mary advises, “Make out with every guy you know. A little tits and ass.”
Mary sings a little tune “Tits and Ass…Tits and Ass…”
Mary continues, “A little feel...” Gestures with a hand up her shirt.
“But No Sex…" Waving her pointer finger in the air. "Although I do allow you one BJ. Oh and then go to his wedding…… The end!”
This ‘The End’ Mary punctuates with a flying fist punched straight into the air, eyes closed and a Freddie Mercury chagrin, an animation that conveys honesty and passion... And a puncuated defined ending point.
Robin: “Do him…Move on…”
Mary explains that during a transitional-rebound period in her dating life, she made out with a guy and later found out he had a girlfriend. “This was before Facebook…”
Madeline: You can trust Madeline’s approach any relationship: transitional, rebound, and otherwise. Despite her flirtatious and “I’m like rubber, you're like glue, bounces off me, sticks to you” exterior, Madeline is the most kind and gentle girl I know. She approaches every social situation in life with an open, trusting heart, and the assumption of the best. She’s kind and views the world through rose colored glasses. Practically Mother Theresa…. In fishnet stockings…. Madeline shares, only after being solicited for her opinion of course: “I do not trust myself to not get attached. You have to have a sense of where you stand. How much you’ve grown. A self awareness of how much you have healed. Self awareness…”
Casey, drunk Casey is the best Casey, chimes in “I think you need to have some sex…Think of it this way…advice my dear Russian friend once shared with me….'You’re the one fucking him'…My life has never been the same.”
Robin: “Back to the Italian man….The Italian dirty talk….Major bonus…”
I recede from all this Go-sex! advice, and the girls can feel it, so Gaby chimes in with a that mischievous smile: “Of course you do him!...He’s an Italian cookie maker. The logic follows… Plus he might be uncircumcised. Bonus.”....Conversation comes to an immediate derail...
1. This article is titled any of the following. You choose.
Female Friend's advice on getting over the old relationship.
Or The Rebound.
Or How to Handle an Italian Cookie Maker: Thwarting impending Italian Advances.
Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.
When you make that transition from a serious relationship back into the real world (no small feat), there is something in particular you must do to complete this transition. Some would advise you a therapeutic rebound. And when you have at your disposal:
A: an evening in a room full of fertile foolery female friends salivating to share their experiences, love and life lessons learned, as well as one-liners, these opinions will be shared,
B: a lovely male Italian cookie maker-stalker -pastry chef-caricature of himself and all Italian stereotypes. This guy is that stereotypically Italian kind of handsome, with thicker, more high-maintenance hair then you have, fully equipped with a Vespa in his drive way, the Sopranos on DVD, a thick rolling R present in all his vocab, Corinthian style columns installed in his home in an Italian version of my Big Fat Greek Wedding kind of way, makes you the very very best risotto you have ever, ever had. And then hand feeds you...I'm telling you...Hand... friggin'... feeds you his dessert specially.... Any guesses what that could be?! Tiramisu. Naturally.... Plus brings Italian cookies made especially for you, and tells you to share them with your girlfriends... Then tells you all night how beautiful you are. In Italian. Stereotype. Caricature. Check.
When you have A and B at your disposal, the following is what you will learn that evening... The advice and personal opinions shared by this panel of females. You will find here some apropos advice, but more so you will find a little accolade of each friend’s personality. Of which each I just adore. So, Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one....
We’ll start with Robin: “If you are going to have a transitional guy, rebound style, always, always, do a hot Italian…with an accent…and money…This is how it is done.”
Casey, whom herself has dealt with the Italian job, follows closely in line with Robin “Do this for the story to tell later in life”. This Lorraine is in wholehearted agreement with. Or atleast after a bunch of tacos and red wine. A lovely combo I might add. Black Beans, sauteed onions peppers, mushrooms, Mexican spices, spinach, shredded cheddar, crunchy taco shell, homemade guacamole. Too many glasses of Australian Shiraz. Lovely…
Casey adds, “Oh and my new philosophy I learned from a kitshish magnet I saw in a airport. All good life advice can be found on magnets…. It read, “What the Hell?” ...As simple as that... “What the Hell.”… I apply this basic philosophy to all my male encounters in life now….I’m much happier…. Oh and I must not leave out this infamous words of wisdom Lorraine once gave me personally… 'What do you have to lose?' That was f-in sound advice…” Can’t say Casey ain’t honest.
Mary advises, “Make out with every guy you know. A little tits and ass.”
Mary sings a little tune “Tits and Ass…Tits and Ass…”
Mary continues, “A little feel...” Gestures with a hand up her shirt.
“But No Sex…" Waving her pointer finger in the air. "Although I do allow you one BJ. Oh and then go to his wedding…… The end!”
This ‘The End’ Mary punctuates with a flying fist punched straight into the air, eyes closed and a Freddie Mercury chagrin, an animation that conveys honesty and passion... And a puncuated defined ending point.
Robin: “Do him…Move on…”
Mary explains that during a transitional-rebound period in her dating life, she made out with a guy and later found out he had a girlfriend. “This was before Facebook…”
Madeline: You can trust Madeline’s approach any relationship: transitional, rebound, and otherwise. Despite her flirtatious and “I’m like rubber, you're like glue, bounces off me, sticks to you” exterior, Madeline is the most kind and gentle girl I know. She approaches every social situation in life with an open, trusting heart, and the assumption of the best. She’s kind and views the world through rose colored glasses. Practically Mother Theresa…. In fishnet stockings…. Madeline shares, only after being solicited for her opinion of course: “I do not trust myself to not get attached. You have to have a sense of where you stand. How much you’ve grown. A self awareness of how much you have healed. Self awareness…”
Casey, drunk Casey is the best Casey, chimes in “I think you need to have some sex…Think of it this way…advice my dear Russian friend once shared with me….'You’re the one fucking him'…My life has never been the same.”
Robin: “Back to the Italian man….The Italian dirty talk….Major bonus…”
I recede from all this Go-sex! advice, and the girls can feel it, so Gaby chimes in with a that mischievous smile: “Of course you do him!...He’s an Italian cookie maker. The logic follows… Plus he might be uncircumcised. Bonus.”....Conversation comes to an immediate derail...
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