What I learned last night:

1) How To Cook a Steak
OR:
How to loose your “vegetar-ianty” in 4 days and 4 easy steps

Step 1: Acupuncturist tells in you in Chinese accent to start eating red meat. "You bruise easy.... Have Din blood. You need to brreeed." ....well that's obvious, especially considering your current state. Wait did she say bleed or brrreed? Either way. both apply...
Step 2: Learn to cook your first steak:
Get offer from chef to teach you how to cook steak.
Dear Gentle reader, this chef happens to be the same person who taught you how to smoke a cigarette like Humphrey Bogart/James Dean. What exactly are you learning from Smoking Chef? very bad. Red meat and cigarettes...
Smoking Chef's First Steak Recipe (or "how to lose your vegetar-ianty"):
The “All on HI 2 2 10” method
Thick steak, must be enough for two people.
Salt, pepper, olive oil. Rub.
Turn oven on high
Turn burner on high
Heat pan.
Sear Steak: 2 minutes one side, 2 minutes the other side.
10 minutes in the oven
Rest.
Optional red wine reduction to pour over top.
Many variables to consider. Time depends on pan, etc. Cook for your first time at your own detriment. Smoking chef recommends smoking chef accompanies you for first steak attempt.

Step 3: Wait for visiting parents to leave town in four days.

Step 4: Insert one smoking chef in 4 days after visiting parents leave. After all, steak was enough for two.

Steps 1 through 4 satisfy the following: Giving away vegetar-ianty, learning how to cook your first steak, appeasing the pokes of acupuncturist, and prods of Paige.


2) My ovaries are adverse to:
guys who are better looking than me
guys who have higher maintenance hair than my own (actually this is situational...might have to revise this statement, but this does apply to Italian stalkers-cookie makers)
guys who ride bikes for exercises purposes

Elegance is refusal.... Even when you have the cute under where (?!) on.

3) Consider this: Friday the 13th Art walk with a pornographer. This has to be a once in a life time opportunity. But no no. Balboa festival in better option.

4) When you find that things that once brought you joy now bring you sadness - a celebratory solution exists! Head straight to the yearly Seaside Jazz Festival with fellow lindy hoppers who love you. The Titan Hot Seven are therapeutic, as is Pig 'n Pancake breakfast. Celebrate. The end.